As a chronic over-thinker and perfectionist, Carol Dweck's book "Mindset" helped me see a new perspective. Although I still find myself getting caught in negative thought patterns, I at least now have some level of objectivity to reference and help pull me out of it. My therapist helps me with that, too, of course!
"Stop letting the stories you tell about yourself dictate your life." is absolutely bad advice. You ARE that story. The trick is to make the story comply with reality, not to avoid telling it.
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As for the self-fulfilling nature of a positive story, it can also comply with reality so long as it's rational. The predictive story we tell about the future can't be exact or it would just be a plan. But it's easy enough to make it realistic enough to be actionable.
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id - subconscious mind (animal nature, monkey mind)
ego -Self (the story we tell, witch has an internal and an external version, about how we fit into the world and society)
superego -aspirational Self (the Real you)
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No matter what the story you tell, to yourself or others, regardless of your circumstances, always remember this fact: Only the Best You can ever have the best life for You.
I appreciate the nuance here. But I believe our goal should be to step AWAY from the story of the self, not to simply write a better one.
When we strap ourselves into a "positive story," we're just as constrained as we were before with a bad self-narrative. It might be a little more motivating, but it isn't liberating. I'm going for liberation.
In the absence of knowing what the "best you" is, I argue we should uncouple ourselves from the need for a story at all times. The idea of the "best you" can be paralyzing -- I prefer an existential, Sartrean freedom.
Thank you for engaging with the work -- thoughtful comments like this are the best.
There's only one way away from the story of self, and that's death. You can go the empty-mind route for a while, and it's a useful respite/default, but it's not the meaning of anything, it's a tool.
Your Self is not who you are when you're at peace, not thinking about the details of society or how you need to change, it's the opposite of that. Self is the integrated whole of all your angst and desires and fears and memories, doubts, wishes, habits, dreads...
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Perfection a direction, not a destination. None of us know what Best Me will look like, but we all know what direction that is. In the case of those who desire to eliminate as much complexity as possible (a valid goal!) that means perfection is when there's nothing left to get rid of.
To eliminate the story of self would mean becoming a non-self, who may as well lie down and rot. Also it's literally not possible, you can only forget it for a time, but your subconscious never does.
Like it, admit it or not, you Are that story, including the story of how You dislike thinking of yourself that way. Enlightenment isn't getting rid of self, that's absurd (and impossible), it's being in sufficient control of your attention to being what you want and what you want to want into alignment.
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You shouldn't feel paralyzed by the complexity, you can easily understand the basics!
As a chronic over-thinker and perfectionist, Carol Dweck's book "Mindset" helped me see a new perspective. Although I still find myself getting caught in negative thought patterns, I at least now have some level of objectivity to reference and help pull me out of it. My therapist helps me with that, too, of course!
I feel the same way. The growth mindset is so powerful but can be so hard to tap into. Glad you’re trying to bring it into your own life, too ✨
"Stop letting the stories you tell about yourself dictate your life." is absolutely bad advice. You ARE that story. The trick is to make the story comply with reality, not to avoid telling it.
--
As for the self-fulfilling nature of a positive story, it can also comply with reality so long as it's rational. The predictive story we tell about the future can't be exact or it would just be a plan. But it's easy enough to make it realistic enough to be actionable.
--
id - subconscious mind (animal nature, monkey mind)
ego -Self (the story we tell, witch has an internal and an external version, about how we fit into the world and society)
superego -aspirational Self (the Real you)
--
No matter what the story you tell, to yourself or others, regardless of your circumstances, always remember this fact: Only the Best You can ever have the best life for You.
I appreciate the nuance here. But I believe our goal should be to step AWAY from the story of the self, not to simply write a better one.
When we strap ourselves into a "positive story," we're just as constrained as we were before with a bad self-narrative. It might be a little more motivating, but it isn't liberating. I'm going for liberation.
In the absence of knowing what the "best you" is, I argue we should uncouple ourselves from the need for a story at all times. The idea of the "best you" can be paralyzing -- I prefer an existential, Sartrean freedom.
Thank you for engaging with the work -- thoughtful comments like this are the best.
There's only one way away from the story of self, and that's death. You can go the empty-mind route for a while, and it's a useful respite/default, but it's not the meaning of anything, it's a tool.
Your Self is not who you are when you're at peace, not thinking about the details of society or how you need to change, it's the opposite of that. Self is the integrated whole of all your angst and desires and fears and memories, doubts, wishes, habits, dreads...
--
Perfection a direction, not a destination. None of us know what Best Me will look like, but we all know what direction that is. In the case of those who desire to eliminate as much complexity as possible (a valid goal!) that means perfection is when there's nothing left to get rid of.
To eliminate the story of self would mean becoming a non-self, who may as well lie down and rot. Also it's literally not possible, you can only forget it for a time, but your subconscious never does.
Like it, admit it or not, you Are that story, including the story of how You dislike thinking of yourself that way. Enlightenment isn't getting rid of self, that's absurd (and impossible), it's being in sufficient control of your attention to being what you want and what you want to want into alignment.
--
You shouldn't feel paralyzed by the complexity, you can easily understand the basics!
https://kaiserbasileus.substack.com/p/to-grok-meditation