This is a wonderful essay! I've never looked at this whole self-help jazz as an effort to become 'unrecognizable' but your insights into this idea made it clear to me. I think our happiness is dependent on how delicately we can balance "being okay in our current skin" along with our desires to become our future selves.
Great piece, given me lots to think about. I decided to use a pen name for my writing because I want to be unrecognisable to my physical world and people I know in person. By making myself unrecognisable I feel like I have more freedom to be truly open, honest and authentic in my writing.
How interesting. In that way, it sounds like you’ve left your core self alone and devised an alternative self to give you the space and freedom to act differently. Almost like an experimental second self.
I wonder if a major piece of not wanting to be recognized is the fear of being seen? If so, this is a really cool look into something I think about often but in a totally different way than I've ever explored it before. Thank you!
A very interesting thought. The unrecognizable self becomes a mask that shields the underlying self from judgment and criticism. A protective mechanism, in a way, but perhaps another form of escapism?
I really enjoyed this piece. It’s interesting because like you said the capacity to be unrecognizable in humans is innate. We are all capable of moving beyond the confines of our own minds and society’s expectations with work.
This part stood out: “When the work required to become a “new person” looks too daunting, we take refuge in the comfort of a manufactured world that pulls us out of ourselves nonetheless.”
I had a coworker once who said a cigarette is cheaper than therapy and works faster too.
I had not a God damn thing to say in response. She’s correct, partially, anyway.
And I like the idea that self-transformation and transcendence is innate. No performance needed. Just contemplation, goals, mindset adjustments, action. It’s only a matter of time.
Thank you for reading and sharing my work — means the world 🤍
I also confess to being a transformation junkie. I've turned over enough new leaves to create a forest. I like the phrase, "the performing self." That is the one that gets me in trouble, performing for the audience but not really in touch with who I am. I am beginning to think that a congruent self is formed as we inhabit the present moment, instead of always looking to the future. I am living how I want right now, doing what I love with the people I love? Or am I looking at my future ideal self and judging who I am right now?
I think the term "congruent self" goes back to Carl Rogers. Does our self-image mirror our actual lived self? He believed that bringing the self into congruency led to self-actualization. I think Rogers would say the "performing self" creates distress because it is always looking for external validation. It can't find inner congruency because it is always turning to the outside gaze, which keeps widening the gap away from the actual self. Thanks again for the article.
I really enjoy the way you phrase things. It's just poetic enough to be beautiful, but not poetic enough to be unclear. "Dutifully recognizable," "the confines of those loose but cherished identities."
I have six decades on me. I am always trying to work on myself, to be more mature, take responsibility, make amends for mistakes made, etc... I am not trying to be unrecognizable nor are my clients that I work with. However, this is a young person's game that I DO notice with social media, the "woke" crowd - not taking responsibility, and the sudden rise in people with identity disorders - erasing women has become a huge new patriarchal wave under the guise of "I want to be a woman." I am also hearing a lot about this with "influencers" which from what I have heard about them are selfish, attention seeking, money grabbing faux prince/princess wannabees. Interesting to read all of this but I really think - having been involved in yoga since the late 70's - before there were yoga pants - which I still don't wear - there are two different topics here. One is about bein unrecognizable and the other is about being involved in spiritual enlightenment. I think and know these are two different categories not the same thing. I may have misinterpreted your post here but I just wanted to say all of this. People who are REALLY into working on themselves are folks that are seriously interested in attaining enlightenment, working on healing the psyche and such. The unrecognizable people, they have serious psychological issues and need support. But, our world is about putting them on a pedestal right now and stripping them of mental health by saying it is NOT mental health. It is a world of "The Emperor's New Clothes." Interesting to read your thoughts.
Thank you so much for leaving such a thoughtful, reflective comment. It sounds like you have undergone an admirable and much-desired transformation — which looks completely different from the shallow, appearance-based transformation I was thinking about here. In other words, it sounds like your motivation stemmed from a place of steady growth and improvement, rather than a place of perception and status. And this ends up producing an “unrecognizable” end result, but for the sake of growth and expansion and betterment — not simply to become unrecognizable.
Thank you for reading and sharing your perspective 🤍
What a wonderful compliment — thank you. That’s exactly what I hope to convey.
Thank you for reading 🤍
This is a wonderful essay! I've never looked at this whole self-help jazz as an effort to become 'unrecognizable' but your insights into this idea made it clear to me. I think our happiness is dependent on how delicately we can balance "being okay in our current skin" along with our desires to become our future selves.
I agree completely! Thank you for reading & sharing 🤍
Great piece, given me lots to think about. I decided to use a pen name for my writing because I want to be unrecognisable to my physical world and people I know in person. By making myself unrecognisable I feel like I have more freedom to be truly open, honest and authentic in my writing.
How interesting. In that way, it sounds like you’ve left your core self alone and devised an alternative self to give you the space and freedom to act differently. Almost like an experimental second self.
A fascinating approach — thanks for reading 😊
I wonder if a major piece of not wanting to be recognized is the fear of being seen? If so, this is a really cool look into something I think about often but in a totally different way than I've ever explored it before. Thank you!
A very interesting thought. The unrecognizable self becomes a mask that shields the underlying self from judgment and criticism. A protective mechanism, in a way, but perhaps another form of escapism?
Thank you for reading 😊
I really enjoyed this piece. It’s interesting because like you said the capacity to be unrecognizable in humans is innate. We are all capable of moving beyond the confines of our own minds and society’s expectations with work.
This part stood out: “When the work required to become a “new person” looks too daunting, we take refuge in the comfort of a manufactured world that pulls us out of ourselves nonetheless.”
I had a coworker once who said a cigarette is cheaper than therapy and works faster too.
I had not a God damn thing to say in response. She’s correct, partially, anyway.
I’m so glad it resonated.
And I like the idea that self-transformation and transcendence is innate. No performance needed. Just contemplation, goals, mindset adjustments, action. It’s only a matter of time.
Thank you for reading and sharing my work — means the world 🤍
I also confess to being a transformation junkie. I've turned over enough new leaves to create a forest. I like the phrase, "the performing self." That is the one that gets me in trouble, performing for the audience but not really in touch with who I am. I am beginning to think that a congruent self is formed as we inhabit the present moment, instead of always looking to the future. I am living how I want right now, doing what I love with the people I love? Or am I looking at my future ideal self and judging who I am right now?
Ah, what a nice term: the congruent self. It sounds so content and healthy and focused. Such an antidote to the performing self.
Thank you for reading and keeping the conversation going 🩵
I think the term "congruent self" goes back to Carl Rogers. Does our self-image mirror our actual lived self? He believed that bringing the self into congruency led to self-actualization. I think Rogers would say the "performing self" creates distress because it is always looking for external validation. It can't find inner congruency because it is always turning to the outside gaze, which keeps widening the gap away from the actual self. Thanks again for the article.
I am also large and I also contain multitudes.
I really enjoy the way you phrase things. It's just poetic enough to be beautiful, but not poetic enough to be unclear. "Dutifully recognizable," "the confines of those loose but cherished identities."
Nice piece.
I have six decades on me. I am always trying to work on myself, to be more mature, take responsibility, make amends for mistakes made, etc... I am not trying to be unrecognizable nor are my clients that I work with. However, this is a young person's game that I DO notice with social media, the "woke" crowd - not taking responsibility, and the sudden rise in people with identity disorders - erasing women has become a huge new patriarchal wave under the guise of "I want to be a woman." I am also hearing a lot about this with "influencers" which from what I have heard about them are selfish, attention seeking, money grabbing faux prince/princess wannabees. Interesting to read all of this but I really think - having been involved in yoga since the late 70's - before there were yoga pants - which I still don't wear - there are two different topics here. One is about bein unrecognizable and the other is about being involved in spiritual enlightenment. I think and know these are two different categories not the same thing. I may have misinterpreted your post here but I just wanted to say all of this. People who are REALLY into working on themselves are folks that are seriously interested in attaining enlightenment, working on healing the psyche and such. The unrecognizable people, they have serious psychological issues and need support. But, our world is about putting them on a pedestal right now and stripping them of mental health by saying it is NOT mental health. It is a world of "The Emperor's New Clothes." Interesting to read your thoughts.
Thank you so much for leaving such a thoughtful, reflective comment. It sounds like you have undergone an admirable and much-desired transformation — which looks completely different from the shallow, appearance-based transformation I was thinking about here. In other words, it sounds like your motivation stemmed from a place of steady growth and improvement, rather than a place of perception and status. And this ends up producing an “unrecognizable” end result, but for the sake of growth and expansion and betterment — not simply to become unrecognizable.
Thank you for reading and sharing your perspective 🤍
You’re right that there is such a vacuum, so much absurdity to contend with. We simply want to differentiate ourselves in a big, indifferent world.
Thank you so much for reading & sharing your thoughts 🤍